…and I’m scared!!!
Okay people, so, tomorrow 12pm, I’ve got an interview for a job. The last interview I had, was about 23 years ago. Well, actually, I did have one 12 months ago, but, I don’t count that one. I was depressed, I was 391 lbs (28 st) and the interview was bogus. I came out feeling fat, old and without any hope. Tomorrow will be different! Obviously, there are no guarantees, but, I hope I get the job. That said, I know I’ll be okay even if I don’t. I feel so much better about myself. I’m out of my depression, I feel healthy, I feel confident, I weigh 306 lbs (21 st 12 lbs) and it doesn’t matter how many flights of stairs I have to run up, or how long the corridor is, I won’t be a sweaty, panting mess when I get to the interview room and the receptionist won’t look at me like I’m an alien blob in a pool of water.
My biggest problem for tomorrow is this…
These are the trousers to one of my suits haha. I last wore this suit at the bogus interview 12 months ago. I was bursting out of the seams at the time. All I need now is an oversized pair of shoes, a red nose, some baloons, topped off with a squirty flower and I can join the circus or retrain as a children’s entertainer. Definitely not good for tomorrow. What to wear, what to wear!
This interview has brought out some really interesting and conflicting emotions.
Obviously, I want to get the job. It’s time for me to take the next step in ‘getting my life back on track’. Work has to be a part of my future and not just for financial reasons. Work is good for the soul, good for self worth and necessary for me to be a good example to my children. In the past, I’ve always worked, but, in the last 18 months (since becoming unemployed) I’ve not been blind to the changes in how my children must look at me. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t for one second believe that they judge me or are disappointed by me, but, I’m Dad and Dad has always worked, why is he in the house all the time now, it’s weird! Until now, I had always been the main earner, I always had money in my pocket and I was always happy to ‘waste it’ on them (much to Mums disapproval :-)). For 18 months, Dads pockets have been empty and they’ve noticed. Jan (the amazingly, abundantly much better half) and I, totally share our finances, so me needing money has never been an issue, but, emotionally, even spiritually, it’s been different and difficult for me. No, me getting a job is important and if the job climate won’t allow me to work, at least my family need to know Dad is working his *ss off to get a job. I’ve not exactly worked that *ss off these past 18 months. I’ve been busy, but, it’s been busy getting out of depression, lifting the fog and oiling the jammed cogs in my head. The kids don’t necessarily get or appreciate that. The interview tomorrow is my first real step in the employment/employability part of my life. I’m so excited about it. Don’t worry, I’m not so excited that, if I don’t get the job, I’m going to spiral. I just feel ready, ready to sell myself, to prove myself, to wow someone. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’ve not been ready for some time. I am now.
Here’s the conflict. What about my ‘healthier’ lifestyle? How is it going to be affected? If I get the job, how am I going to keep up my training and my journey to a new me? This is one area of my life I am soooo getting together. I don’t want a job messing it up haha. I may have been struggling to take a step re employment, but, when it comes to the ‘healthier’ me, I’ve taken steps, the steps have become strides and now I’ve broken into a run (literally) and there is no stopping me. I can’t let a job mess that up. Man, I’ve been so fortunate these last five months since I took that first step. I’ve been at the gym a solid 5-6 days a week. I’ve been working up some serious sweat, serious sweat people :-D. Exercise and activity have become a part of ‘who I am’ and I’ve started addressing my eating habits. Life is good, no, scratch that, life is great!!!!
I suppose this is just another layer of ‘Balance’. Thousands of people all over the world (and blogosphere, probably you reading this now) face the very same challenges I am about to face. (Not getting ahead of myself, just being positive :-)). If I’m successful tomorrow, it will take some time to adjust to a new routine, but, I can do it and I’m sure I will. The ‘healthier’ me is here to stay, so I’m going to find a way to make work a part of the new me. Maybe I’ll need to make changes else where, but, if I’m serious about maintaining a ‘healthier’ me, I’ll make those changes happen.
** LATE EDITION** Peeps, it’s been a few hours since I started writing this post. In the interim, I’ve sorted my clothing dilemma. Tell me what you think. On first impressions, do I get the job?
Right, bed for me. If luck is your thing, wish me luck, if prayer is your thing (and it should be ;-)), pray for me. I’ll let you know how I get on tomorrow. Night night.
“I Can Get It…!”