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Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls. This morning, the 3rd August 2011…
I RAN A HALF MARATHON
Now, it wasn’t official, it wasn’t an organised run with a start line, a number on my chest, cheering crowds, drinks stations, people in fancy dress and a finish line. No, it was my own plotted and semi-planned route which covered 13.33 miles. A half marathon distance is 13.1 miles so I actually went a teeny-tiny bit further, but, the main, awesome, outstanding news is that I, Paul Kracker Bentley ran the distance (and some) of a half marathon! I am ecstatic!!!!!
As you can imagine the time is pretty pedestrian (considering I’m still 23st /// 322lbs /// 146kgs :-))
but I’m really seriously not bothered – I RAN A HALF MARATHON!! *Calm down Paul*
Let me just remind you (and me) what I looked like on the 6th May 2011
There is no way on Gods wonderful and green earth, that I was capable of running then. In fact, this was me on the 13th May 2011 after my very first ‘joddle’ (a cross between a jog and a waddle) of 1.5 miles (2.5km).
Here I am today on the 3rd August 2011 (less than three months later!!!!!) after 13.33 miles (21.4km)
As well as being ecstatic, I am also knackered. Well, to be honest, I’m not too bad ‘all things considered’. Knees and ankles a bit sore and my left shin, also (not sure if it’s related), I feel like I’m coming down with a cold, but, all in all, I feel great. I can’t wait to register for an official one now and more than that, I KNOW that one day, probably in about nine or 12 months (or 6 stone :-)), I WILL reach the promised land and run a marathon.
As you know, I like to be honest and open on this here blog, so today’s post is no different. Time for a ‘ickle’ funny story…
I actually had no intention of going further than 5k when I woke up this morning, but, the sun was out with overcast clouds, it was nice and cool and it felt good for running. Andy (from the gym) was with me for the first 5k and I must confess I had a bad case of the ‘bottom burps’. I was slightly concerned about this because, if I have a bad case of ‘bb’ it usually means I need to ‘clear out the cellar’ if you get my meaning 🙂 Well, it was too late, I was running. After two laps of the Marina I waved goodbye to Andy and off I went, but, for how far?
At the back of my mind I was thinking 10 miles *bottom burp* but I wasn’t too sure. I settled in to a nice (slow) pace *bottom burp* & rhythm and ran along the coast. After about 3 miles, I was passed by a really fat woman, I can say that cos I’m fat too, don’t get upset with me, I’m not being ‘fattist’. Man I’m slow, but hey people don’t worry, 500 yards later, she had stopped – amateur *bottom burp*. So, slow pace & rhythm and then I got to the point where if I turned back my total mileage would have been approx 10 miles, but, I still felt good, so I carried on further. I’m now in uncharted territory (again) hoping I don’t get lost again.
I ran through the village of Hightown and turned back hoping to pick up signs for the coast. I saw ‘Sandy Lane’ and quite correctly (in my mind anyway) thought this might take me back to the beach – oh no!!! I kept going along a country path by some farmers fields and in the distance I could see the railway. If I follow the railway lines (I thought) I’ll eventually hit somewhere I know. The bottom burps were now getting even more frequent and I wondered whether I would make it back without having to shed a few pounds.
The only way I could continue following the railway tracks was if I trespassed on to a farmers corn field. I couldn’t go back now. Unfortunately, I was forced to stop when I got to a fence at the other end of the field. Stopping was not good.
Instantly, I felt a churning, a yearning and a descending and I knew if I didn’t do a ‘Paula Radcliffe’ right there, right then, things were going to get messy. I did what anyone in my position would do (well, maybe not anyone), I scanned the undergrowth for appropriately sized green leaves and I dropped my shorts. Unfortunately, relief was tempered by the 11.15 Southport to Liverpool train rumbling past mid squat. I know, I know, but hey, needs must and anyway, I’ve checked the local tv news and I don’t think I’ve traumatised anyone.
Within five minutes, my ‘comfort break’ was over. I jumped the fence, trespassed some more on to a cricket pitch, jumped over a wall and was on my way back. Three miles later I was back at the gym, showered, thoroughly scrubbed and reflecting on my excellent adventure.
I really, really, really, must plan my route next time, oh and clear the lower decks before I leave 🙂
Thanks for reading.
Paul (Kracker – the half marathon man)
“I Can Do It…!” In fact, I did do it!!!