Rivers Crossed [2] & Reading The Signs

I really want chocolate - Help 😦

Guys, I’ve just read back tonight’s post and it’s a bit random 🙂 Bare with it and see what you think. All I can say in my defence is this, this is a really difficult issue for me. Some people may not understand why, but ‘porkers’ everywhere will empathise. Happy reading…

Another river crossed today at the gym. I don’t use the rower that much as I like to do my fat burn cardio on the treadmill, but, as the gym has got busier, they have restricted treadmill time to 20mins. What’s that about! Anyway, I ended up having to do my cardio between the treadmill, bike, cross trainer and rower. One of my rivers was ‘Rower – 2000m in under 9 minutes’. Today I did it in 8min 43sec – Result!!! 🙂 Now for the main post 😦

So what signs am I reading? Well, I’m struggling a bit guys. I’m ‘gagging’ for chocolate all the time lately. I’ve had a fudge and the occasional chocolate wafer and it’s not really satisfying a ‘treat’ mentality. I think it’s actually opening the door to me just wanting more.

I suppose I’m coming to a crucial stage in my journey. I’m over two months in (today is the first day of week 10) and I’m on the outer rim of ‘the fad factor’. I’m convinced I’m not fadding, but these food feelings are consistent with someone who is craving their old normality. Are they, am I? Have I just been showing fad infused self discipline these last weeks and now I’m wanting my old food life back.

I suppose it’s time to remind myself again of what I’m doing/not doing here:

(1) I’m adopting a ‘healthier’ lifestyle
(2) I’m NOT on a diet
(3) I’m trying to find a balance
(4) I’m making exercise and activity a part of who I am
(5) I’m not in a race to lose weight

Some random thoughts as I write…

Stop putting myself under pressure. Stop wanting even better results. So what you may lose less weight this month than last month. Eat the damn chocolate and still go the gym tomorrow. This is for life. Stop killing yourself over weight loss.

Fundamentally the problem is that I’m ‘craving’ but I’m conflicted with concerns about weight loss. Scared that if I eat a Double Decker or a Dairy Milk I’ll lose less in June than I did in May. Maybe I need to have a bit of a binge. As long as I still exercise (gym, joddle, squash etc) and walk (marina) I’M STILL A CHANGED PERSON. Yes?

What is the answer? Is it really that simple? Find the answer to the problem and everything will be okay. Let’s look at it.

Problem 1: I want chocolate
Problem 2: I’ll lose less weight

Part Solution: What if I just forget about Problem 2. Square that circle, get back to basics. THIS IS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS. Forget about how much you may or may not have lost by the end of June. Don’t compare, stop worrying. Accept that you are ‘healthier’ because of your exercise and activity ALONE. The changes in food and eating is a bonus.

Okay, one down, one to go. Recap.

Problem: I want chocolate

Solution A: Eat it. Still go the gym, still go for walks. Don’t dwell on the fact you ate it and don’t worry about weight loss.

Advantages: I get to eat chocolate. I don’t beat myself up. I carry on.

Possible Pitfalls: I’ve given in to a craving. I’m really disappointed with myself. Possibly, I eat it tomorrow as well and the next day and the next day and the…

Solution B: Don’t eat it. Still go the gym, still go for walks. Don’t dwell on it, get over it.

Advantages: I’ve overcome a craving. I’ve kept my food intake good. Maybe I’m stronger for the next time.

Possible Pitfalls: I continue craving. I give myself stress about it. I end up binging.

To be honest with you, I don’t even know if any of the above makes sense.

Tell me what you think?

Here’s my final thoughts…

The signs I thought I were reading, were the signs that I was craving again. Maybe I need to concentrate on other far more important signs. I’m doing great! I’m a changed man! I’m loving doing exercise and being active. I am a shadow of my former self. Or, should I say, my former self is a shadow of who I am today.

I’ve always talked about being ‘healthier’ not ‘healthy’ and that’s deliberate. I can be and I am being, ‘healthier’. I can still eat junk (occasionally) and still be (far) healthier than I used to be. Maybe I’ll eat the chocolate, maybe I won’t, but I WILL go the gym tomorrow and I WILL go for a walk around the marina.

These are the signs I should be focusing on.

Adios amigos,

Paul (Kracker)

“I Can Do It…!”


About paulbentley

My name is Paul Bentley and I started my blog in May 2011. I live in Liverpool in the North West of England, UK – I have always had ‘issues’ with my weight! When I got to 27st 13lbs (177kgs or 391lbs) I finally decided that ‘enough is enough’ and I need to make changes. As part of the process I decided I need to make myself accountable, so I’ve decided to be accountable to you. Thanks for offering ;-)
This entry was posted in Goals, Healthier Lifestyle, Rivers Crossed and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Rivers Crossed [2] & Reading The Signs

  1. kitchentutor says:

    Maybe your body thought this whole deal was temporary and figures it’s time to get back to eating like you used to. I would guess if you persevere through it you will find it less of a major craving. What would I do? I’d have a little chocolate but be sure I isolate the rest of the stash or have someone else monitor how much I’m given so I don’t cheat. I would maybe try to mix the food craving with something healthy. Maybe a banana dipped in chocolate? Chocolate covered strawberries? Chocolate covered celery… ok… maybe that’s a bit too far! I’m afraid if you deny yourself completely a extreme binge is inevitable!!!!!!!

    • paulbentley says:

      Thanks KT. Yeah I decided to accept that eating chocolate is going to be a part of my eating habits. Concentrate on the positives and not see eating treats as negatives. Balance, balance and more balance.

      Thanks as ever.

  2. Callie says:

    Paul, no offense to the kitchen tutor up there (by the way, she is my cousin if you have not put that together yet) but she has never struggled with weight. and yes I do lovingly hold it against her. 🙂 For me, that one small piece of chocolate is like a tiny shot of whisky to an alcolholic. It is not so much about if the chocolate will make me gain weight or keep me from losing it, but rather its like giving that ball and chain a ‘foothold’. What I have decided to do is to give myseft a ‘finish line’ so to speak. Over the next 8 weeks I have a list of things that I will NOT TOUCH’ Wine, Chocolate, and dairy. Yes, I miss them CONSTANTLY!!!
    At the end of the 8 weeks, I will reevaluate my ‘need’ or cravings for these, and set a new ‘finish line’ For me, that bit of chocolate will not make me gain weight, but it will very easily start a whirlwind of little cravings that will absolutely set me right back where I started.
    The cravings WILL lessen. Hang in there and know that it WILL get easier. You have come so far, and God has good things ahead for you!
    Callie w/ Salt-n-Stuff

    • paulbentley says:

      Hi Callie. Wow, you must have great will power if you can abstain from a range of food stuffs like that. I know I’d cheat and end up feeling guilty and then the guilt would make me feel worse. What is it with Christians and guilt 🙂

      I’ve decided to try and have a balance and concentrate on the positives, like all the exercise I’m continuing to do.

      Thanks for your input and feedback, I really appreciate you taking the time to do it. I’ll comment more on your posts I promise. It’s a time management thing. I read all your posts.

      Amen to God having good things ahead. Amen and Amen!!!

  3. Lizzie says:

    Hello Kracker

    Chocolate is not the enemy – something to be afraid of. Plan it in your daily food intake – you know how it works you burn up more than you eat this equals weight loss. If you think you maybe tempted to eat more or binge don’t have it in the house. Your weight loss is bound to slow down but weight is not what you are concentrating on. It is the healthier lifestyle. Hope to see at the Marina tonight


  4. Shonnie says:

    Chocolate, chips, bread, french fries, or anything else food related isn’t the evil enemie, but they sure can trip you up a bit. I keep things I crave the most out of the house–they are away from home only treats. I have them away from home after big workouts so that in my mind they are off limits. I know some folks have cheat days and allow themselves access to cravings, but sometimes I just get in a repeat circle of eating and eating these things once I have opened the door.

    Weight loss is my goal however. I need the numbers to go down so that I can be medication free, and be able to play as hard as I want to play. My body tends to shut down and go into fat storage mode when I work out the length of time I want too workout (think 80 mile bike rides). The elevated exercise made me STARVING and it was very hard to control eating on and off big workout days.

    Not sure that I was even clear. 🙂 HOpe that gives you something good to think about. 🙂

    • paulbentley says:

      Hi Shonnie, I totally agree with you. The truth is food is not the enemy. I can make it the enemy. I can give it ‘evil’ status, but anything can be evil. Going to the gym can be evil if it dominates your life and negatively impacts your relationships or family.

      It’s all about the BALANCE. Know yourself and try to manage those cravings whilst positively changing other areas of your life. The truth is, I am healthier now than I have been in y-e-a-r-s and a chocolate craving doesn’t change that. I should give the craving the position in the pecking order of decisions I am making it deserves. I am making far more positive choices in my life now, so why let one craving give me mental stress.

      Thanks for the comment and advice and yes it was clear. Keep looking in on me.


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