So like all good Grandma’s, boy can she bake! What made it worse (from a ‘healthier’ lifestyle point of view) is that I invited her round for dinner. Don’t get me all wrong here, I love having Grandma round for dinner, but on a day that she’s baked! I’m not stupid, obviously I knew what this meant. The ramifications of my actions could be costly especially when she has made Apple Pie, Jam Tarts and Almond Slice. Am I mad! I know, I know, no need to shout at the screen people, this was fat boy suicide – or was it?
Here’s what I think…
Gloriously beautiful tasting (fat laden) food is around every corner. Even the gym I attend has a hotel/restaurant/bistro. The smell of the English Breakfast being cooked every morning when I pull up in the car park is beautiful and I choose my ‘word’ correctly, beautiful. I am going to eat food that I should avoid – fact. The important thing is to learn to control the what, the when and the how much, right?
Early on in this process I talked about the importance of taking small steps. I also talked about my ‘fads’ and how they can take over. I find myself in a weird place right now because, (1) I’m faddishly in to my training (well actually I’m not, check this post for my rationale) and I don’t want anything ‘bad’ to pass my lips, but, (2) the thought process of (1) totally negates the attitude of small steps which I whole heartedly believe to be the way forward!!! It’s still early days and like any transitional state, I’ve just got to see the ‘weirdness’ through I suppose. Again, I suppose the inner dialogue can be a good thing if I resolve it. We’ve all had enough of the ‘question, justify, depression loop’ now haven’t we fellow fatties 🙂 Can I get a witness?!?
Here’s what I did…
Grandma baked, she came for dinner, I ate baked goods, simples! 1 x Almond Slice and 1 x Apple Pie w/custard. Now here’s the thing, I am totally cool with what I did and here is my rationale (hate it when I use a good word twice).
Before I started this journey I would have had (at least) two portions of each and one more for supper. So in my mind, I have taken a small step in the right direction. Having said that it’s not supper time yet haha. No seriously, I have. What would have been worse, would have been for me to be sitting at the dinner table ‘desperate’ to eat some pie and not really feeling good about not having any. You get that don’t you? You’ve been there, done that and pigged out the following day cos you were fed up with not being able to eat something you really, really wanted to eat. I can’t do that any more.
Here’s the bottom line…
I repeat, I can’t do that any more. People I am committed to my course (a ‘healthier’ lifestyle), I’ve lifted the anchor (the scales don’t rule me) and I’m sailing to new horizons (health, fitness, weight loss, a new me, new routines, new thinking). This maybe a fairly liberal interpretation of a great bible verse but,
“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!!!” – Romans 8:1
I had some pudding, so what. I didn’t gorge myself (been there). I didn’t get depressed about it (done that). I haven’t been to the drive thru at the golden arches to feed my depression (what size tee shirt do you want, I’ve got 3, 4 and 5XL).
I thought it through, I weighed up(unfortunate phrase) my options and I did what was right for me. I’m not depressed, I’m not disappointed, I’ve not got my head in the fridge looking for a ‘pity snack’ and I’m still looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow. Even as I write, am I still questioning myself, yes of course I am, that’s what we do, but, I’ve shared it with you, I’ve made myself accountable and I’ve no reason to feel bad – period!!!
Understand what I said though. ‘I did what was right for me.’ That may not be what’s right for you, I accept that, but, neither is guilt and depression right for you because of a ‘wrong’ choice you have made. This is serious business that requires serious reflection, but it has to be realistic reflection. I don’t know you, but I’m trying to know me.
I thank God so much for this blog. Thanks for listening, reading (whatever), just do one more thing for me. Repeat after me…
Ps – In a spirit of honesty and openness, I must tell you one more thing. Right at the top of the post I neglected to mention that I had 2 x Jam Tarts whilst at Grandma’s house earlier in the day. I consider myself well and truly accounted for and I still feel good about myself 🙂